I seriously need to get a hold of myself… maybe not…

Yes, I know many people do go through their own existential crisis. It seems inevitable to not do that, especially if you’re 21. With so much of the world exposed to us, I feel like the surmounting pile of opportunities emits a foul stench of confusion. So many people are confused. I might be just one of them.
Well, no. I know what I want to do. It’s kind of a long way. And well, when it comes to money, not everyone is patient. I don’t know if I should just take the short route out like everyone else, or do what I am doing and keep up the hard struggle to achieve my dreams.

As of now, I’ve submitted my short film for a few international festivals. I’m meeting a legal consultant regarding my book, which I hope to publish by the end of this year. I am working towards what I want.
I think I just need to vent out my thoughts this way. I started off with not being sure about my future and with just 178 words, I’m already feeling better. I shouldn’t stop blogging, I guess. I don’t know how many people would want to read a random dude’s life, but I bet there are some.

And to those people, I say, have a great life, you only have one at the moment. If not, well, maybe in your next one you’ll find what you want. I know what I want now, I can feel my soul tingle every time I do what I want to do. Isn’t that what you should aim for?

Who knows? I’m just a random 21-year-old experiencing frequent existential crises. Hope you guys are better off.

May Your Darkness guide you to Your Light!


Some entries are just… blah…

So I was present at a photography screening on Carter Road. I won’t say who had organised it as I must honestly admit that I have seen their exhibitions and they are really good. However, the ones I did see at the promenade were….
Well the first photographer whose pictures they screened were really good. I loved the compositions, the rusty portrayal of rural life, even the monochrome used gave a contrast to his overall colour grade.
Then the second photographer’s pictures came on the screen. All I can say is, they seemed more like pictures you take from a phone camera. I understand that even those pictures can be amazing. But the ones I saw… blah.
The third was a Brazilian. The first picture was good. The rest were not.
Now why I’m saying all this is because all these images were part of a competition, as far as I have understood. I just ran into this small crowd with a projector at the promenade and I was like ‘Hey let’s watch what’s happening.’ Now I didn’t exactly hear what the organiser was saying, and I’m pretty sure that they had much better photographs later on, but the third and second sets really bummed me out.
There was a part of me that said, ‘I could’ve clicked better pictures.’ But then I realised that I didn’t. I am very much capable of clicking better pictures. I know people who are much better than I am at clicking pictures. But guess what, none of those were there in that competition, it was those terrible pictures. And why?
Because those people actually took the efforts to go ahead and click pictures and send it in. This isn’t even the first time I’ve felt this way. There was another time when a short film I wrote the screenplay for won an award. But the others in competition were so horrible, I would’ve just disqualified them if I were the judge (And I have made a short film using my phone camera that went on to win the first place.).
The point is there are people who have no talent, but are willing to work hard. And only a few days back, a friend of mine reminded me of a quote by Kevin Durant,“Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard.”

Maybe, if I (and many of us) had just put in a little more effort, we could have been short listed instead of those bad competitors who get selected for lack of entries. Maybe, just maybe.
But then again some people have terrible taste, so you can’t really judge. It’s all about what you like and what you don’t. For all I know, people loved the pictures I found crappy. Ah well, it’s up to you. I’m just sharing my thoughts.

May Your Darkness guide you to Your Light!

A Surge of Positivity

Yes, I’m actually feeling positive. I read somewhere that if you reflect upon just three good things of that day before you sleep, it makes you feel better. If you write it down, it will make you feel even more positive.
The idea behind writing down things that made you feel good on the said day is to make you relive those good moments. When your mind is focused on the good, reminded of the good, it begins to believe in the good. And trust me, I did that and well, it’s worked. I have been more positive in these 25 days than I had been last year.
Ah well, so much for the name of my blog.
I really don’t know if what I say makes any sense to anyone. I tend to drift in and out of random thoughts. The typical ADHD type of behaviour. But it isn’t that bad, you know. It just goes to show that I have a lot in my mind that I am dying to articulate. And that delivery of thoughts might get messed up. There is an idea everywhere. You just need to see it. Maybe read between the line (Maybe that will help).
But just to clarify, I’m not promoting any satanic cult or probing you towards the dark side. I’m just sharing my thoughts, which linger in and around the grey area. I won’t say there isn’t any black or white. I’m just saying it’s up to you. Either you can look at the grey, the black or the white. Your perception really does make a difference.
What you perceive is what you believe. And belief, as many have seen in the past, can demolish buildings; moving mountains might be next on the list.
Well, let me know if this made you think.

May Your Darkness guide you to Your Light!

No, I haven’t forgotten.

To whomsoever it may concern,
I have not forgotten about my blog. I simply didn’t have anything to say. I had taken a break from my hectic schedule. Well, I guess I’m going back to it then.
I don’t know if my posts this year will make sense or not. I make no promises. But I will make them, no matter how nonsensical.

May Your Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Nearing the End of another Year

The year is coming to an end. This has been a hell of a rollercoaster ride from hell to heaven with a ticket cut to Genabackis right after finishing off Westeros. Yes, geeky.
I’ve had my ups and downs. I’ve had my share of drama. My time in the light, my epiphanies in the dark. I started this blog for absolutely no reason other than the fact that I love to write. And well, Here I stand (sit actually) barely 10,000 words from finishing my very first novel. Yes, that is what I have been up to all year. But it wasn’t an easy ride. Actually it was. The supplements of my real life however weren’t.
Understand this, I keep saying look to the dark, tread in the dark, etc., etc. because I don’t think the darkness is wrong. Hell, it is only one side of the coin. Nothing is bad. Well, Godhra was bad. But never mind.
I’ve come to a point where I can really see how far I have come. Not just with my novel, but with my life. In less than a year, I wrote over 214914 words. And well, I have lived much and more than that. And with every incident that has passed, I can see how it has all affected me. I’ve made terrible mistakes, realised terrible wrongs and tried to right all I could.
Just look back to your year and see how much you’ve done. How much have you suffered? How much have you lived? Every instance that will flash in your mind will show you how great your life has been. Or not. Depends on your perception.
I’ve done not so socially acceptable things this year (nothing illegal), and well I’m happy. That is what matters. (Fuck, I’m cheesy. I see know how much I might have changed as well.)
Anyways, hope you guys had a great year.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

How to avoid killing yourself by killing someone else instead

Yeah, that is the title. I’m getting good at this, aren’t I? Don’t answer that.
Well, suicide is a frowned upon act, and in many ways it is extremely hurtful. Some people say suicide isn’t the end of life, it is the end of pain and misery. But well, if your life is full of pain and misery, perhaps you do need to end it. Wait, before you slit yourself, let me make this clear. Suicide is an option. But there is a better option. Homicide.
You aren’t the only person suffering. There are starving children in Africa, idiots on the internet blabbering about stuff that takes your attention off the important events, and many other assholes. No one truly deserves to die. But hey, you don’t always get what you deserve. 
Don’t kill yourself because you didn’t get what you want, because your lacking something. You have it in you. You have everything you need inside you. All you need is a little push (not off a cliff).
Before you think that ‘I am done. I have nothing to live for…’ think again. Perhaps you do. There are people who you think don’t need you. You’re wrong. You don’t need them. Cut them off (not literally). Homicide is illegal. So don’t just read the title and murder someone. It was just my way of attracting you here so you would read what I have. Not all you read on the internet is true. But it can and should make you think
We are programmed to follow, not to think. And well, if you follow your guts and kill yourself, you’ll be preventing a whole series of events that might happen just because of your existence. On the contrary, if you decide to dedicate your life to saving lives, being a vigilante or just simple social service, well you can do much better. The point is to think. Renovate your perceptions. Sometimes, the darkness is what holds the greatest of treasures. Remember, light did not exist till after a crapload of years. If the world could survive in the dark then, well, we can still do so. Just because the sun shines doesn’t mean the shadows are any darker. Maybe the shadows are trying to help you.
Forget about what society tells you. They’re nutjobs. Think for yourselves. Open your mind and throw away those suicidal thoughts.
As for homicide, well by killing, I meant cut them off. Let them be dead to you. Their existence shouldn’t matter. And if you really want to kill, then kill the people all you want but only in your head. Sometimes visualising murder can calm you down. But if it is getting out of hand, please see a psychiatrist.
I hope I don’t get sued for this.
My posts are getting weirder I feel…

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!


What is the point of all this? It all sums down to bare essentials, and what is more essential than money? Well, social acceptance. It can kill a mother and orphan a child, all the while accepting sexual abuse and religious fanaticism. This is the fucked up society we live in.
I’m just sitting here ranting on but what more can I do? I’m no superman, neither do I have any strong connections. My greatest weapons are my words, that is if they are read. I can simply propagate ideas. And when I am at my lowest, even they might not work.
Seeing this fucked up society, I feel ashamed of being a human.
It makes me feel… Suicidal.